Managing Expectations Effectively

The most important leadership lesson I learned: Your last minute heroics to fix something are not leadership. They are a sign that you have not empowered your team. After working 24 hours straight to ensure our product was ready for a major launch, my boss told me: "Ryan, I appreciate your effort, but I'm losing confidence that you're the right long-term leader for this team. A leader that's scaling wouldn't need to be a hero at the last minute." Ouch. After sacrificing so much... I was told I might not be cut out for the job. But you know what? He was right. A well-run team doesn't require 11th hour heroics. A well-run team doesn't risk major disruptions right before a big milestone. A well-run team doesn't burn out its people to deliver results. As leaders, our # 1 job is to build confidence - in our team, our peers, and our organization. Confidence is trust. It's the belief that we can consistently deliver without last-minute scrambling or heroic efforts. And it's earned over time, not in a final flurry of activity. Missing expectations or pulling all-nighters shatters that trust. It signals that we don't have a handle on things. So how do we build and maintain confidence? 1. Set realistic expectations and deliver consistently 2. Proactively surface issues before they become crises 3. Prioritize sustainable execution over short-term wins And when giving feedback to our teams, frame it around confidence. "I'm losing confidence in your ability to..." is a powerful way to highlight areas for improvement without getting lost in the weeds of specific examples. It puts the onus on the employee to step up and rebuild that trust. Building a culture of confidence is hard work. It requires planning, communication, and relentless execution. But it's the mark of true leadership. So the next time you're tempted to praise a last-minute save, ask yourself: Is this building confidence, or eroding it? The answer will guide you to be the leader your team needs.

Managers come to me frustrated: "My team member is underperforming." So I ask them just two questions: "What are they spending time on vs. what they SHOULD be spending time on?" "Do they know what is EXPECTED of them to deliver for each priority?" The uncomfortable silence says everything. It's not a performance problem. It's an alignment disaster. Your "underperforming" employee is grinding away on tasks that are not a priority. Your "failing" team member is delivering the strategy, thinking they have done their work, not realizing they are expected to lead the delivery. Stop the performance theater. Use your next 1:1 to: • Perform a priorities audit • Align on expected deliverables • Define what good looks like • Write these down for clarity Then do it again next week. And the week after. And when priorities shift. And when projects change. The harsh truth? Most managers would rather label someone "underperforming" than admit they failed to create clarity. Performance without alignment is like archery in the dark. Your team isn't missing the target. They're shooting at a different one. What alignment conversation are you avoiding right now?

Bakit Ako Mahihiya Or Why Your Team Might Stay Silent—Even When It Matters In Filipino workplaces, silence isn’t always disengagement. Often, it’s hiya at work, a culturally grounded sense of propriety shaped by relationship. A subordinate may hesitate to speak to a senior not out of fear, but out of ethical restraint. Hiya is not shame in the Western sense. It’s a form of relational intelligence rooted in loob (inner depth and moral will) and shaped by kapwa (shared identity). The question isn’t just “Is this right?” but “Will this disrupt harmony? Will I be seen as disrespectful?” Hiya preserves social equilibrium and reflects a moral sensitivity attuned to others’ perceptions. Dionisio M. Miranda (1992) deepens this view by framing loob as the Filipino’s interior ethical core: intentional, discerning, and always relationally aware. This is where psychological safety must be reframed. It’s not just about freedom from retaliation; it’s about institutional clarity that protects dignity. Leaders must signal: “Your voice will be held with care. Your intent will be read in context. Your belonging will remain intact.” When we understand hiya not as a barrier but as a signal of ethical sensitivity, we create space for principled expression. Speaking up becomes an act of care, not defiance. Leadership isn’t just about inviting feedback. It’s about building the kind of trust where loob and kapwa can speak. #ESAmentor University of San Carlos #Leadership #PsychologicalSafety #Hiya #Loob #Kapwa #FilipinoWorkplace #InstitutionalEthics #SikolohiyangPilipino #InclusiveLeadership #OrganizationalCulture

I managed teams in India for years. Then I got APAC. Nothing worked. Same frameworks. Same playbooks. Same communication style. Different results. Mostly bad ones. I was running meetings the way I ran them in India. Direct. Fast. Agenda-driven. In some countries, it landed well. In others, I could feel the room go cold. Back then, someone gave me advice I didn't fully appreciate at the time: "Slow down. Understand how people here think. Business will follow." So I started paying attention. Asking questions. Watching what worked and what didn't. Today, I manage a team across 7 offices. We speak 11 languages. We serve customers in 12+ countries. Here's what I've learned about working across APAC: - In Japan, silence often means agreement. Precision matters more than speed. Never surprise anyone in a meeting. - In Korea, context is everything. Explain the "why" before the "what." Hierarchy shapes how feedback flows. - In Vietnam, people are direct. Candid. They'll tell you what's broken if you ask. - In Indonesia, harmony matters. Pushback is subtle. You have to read between the lines. - In Singapore, time is currency. Get to the point. Skip the preamble. - In India, silence in a meeting often means disagreement. Or confusion. Rarely agreement. Same region. Wildly different operating systems. The mistake I made early on? Assuming one style fits all. It doesn't. Cultural fluency isn't about being "sensitive." It's about being effective. What's one cultural nuance that took you time to understand?

2 — Solving Goal & Priority Misalignment with Is/Is Not + Perspective Circle.  SOLVING THINGS with SYSTEMS THINKING (STwST) — a series of mini, real-world applications of DSRP. When a team says, “We’re working hard but not pulling in the same direction,” it’s usually not a motivation problem. And it’s rarely a communication problem. It’s a distinction + perspective problem. Different people are carrying different mental pictures of what the goal is and is not, and different perspectives on what actually counts as a priority. So even when everyone uses the same words, they’re not aiming at the same thing. They might be reading the same page but interpreting it differently. Two simple thinking moves fix this. The first is an Is / Is Not list. Take the goal and the priorities and make them explicit: what this goal is, what it is not; what matters now, and what does not. This forces clarity where assumptions usually hide. The second is a Perspective Circle. You don’t need everyone to think the same way—but you do need everyone looking at the same picture. Different roles, levels, and functions can keep their own viewpoints, as long as they’re all anchored to the same shared view. Then keep that shared model on the table. Revisit it at the start of meetings. Use it when tradeoffs show up. Let people argue with it, stress-test it, and refine it. Don’t laminate it. Put it to work. Alignment doesn’t come from hearing the right words once. It comes from people rebuilding their own internal picture until it matches the shared one. When that happens, language cleans up, decisions get faster, resources line up, and the friction fades—because action always follows the mental model. If you listen carefully, misalignment announces itself in sentences that shouldn’t exist if the goal were truly shared. Those sentences are the signal. #STwST #SystemsThinking #CabreraLabPodcast #SystemsThinkingStandardsInstitute

How Overhyped Learning Programs Damage Trust (And How to Fix It)? “This tool will revolutionize your workflow!” Sounds familiar? A colleague once told me how their team invested in an expensive software to streamline processes. It looked incredible during the demo but required hours of setup and training that no one had time for. Adoption plummeted, and trust in new initiatives was eroded. As learning designers, we face the same risk. Overpromising outcomes in our programs—“become a leader in 30 days!”—creates a trust deficit when reality doesn’t match the hype. When designing a leadership program recently, I focused on clear, achievable promises: ⏩ Improve communication skills with a five-step framework. ⏩ Practice active listening through real-life scenarios. Instead of bold claims, the program delivered tangible wins, and learners felt empowered to take the next step. Trust isn’t built on grand promises; it’s built on delivering what learners need and can use. As a learning experience designer, avoiding the trap of chasing attention at the expense of trust requires a thoughtful approach to program design. Here’s how you can stay focused on trust! #LXP #LearningThatLasts #CredibilityFirst #learningeveryday #microlearning #learningwithhiral #learningdesign #learnermindset

WANT CUSTOMER DELIGHT? GO THE EXTRA INCH, NOT THE EXTRA MILE In a world where companies strive to “go the extra mile” for their customers, I propose a counterintuitive thought: You don’t need to go a mile. You just need to go an inch. The smallest, low-cost gestures can have a massive impact on customers, turning ordinary transactions into memorable experiences. The secret - search for the asymmetry between cost and impact. Going the extra inch requires minimal effort and often costs next to nothing. It could be a handwritten note, a smile, a gesture of personal recognition, a small act of kindness. But the effect on customers is profound. It creates emotional connections, fosters loyalty, and makes customers into advocates. The irony - while everyone is busy trying to “go the extra mile,” it is the extra inch that nets you miles of customer loyalty. THE I.N.C.H. FRAMEWORK To master the art of the extra inch, use this simple yet powerful framework: I – Identify Moments of Truth: Look for touchpoints where expectations are neutral or low. These are prime opportunities to surprise and delight. For instance, when I got my car serviced at the Lexus dealership, they washed and vacuumed the car and left a red carnation flower on the dash. I have told more than 10,000 people about the 50-cent carnation. How’s that for ROI? N – Notice the Little Things: Train employees to observe and remember small details about customers—preferences, moods, or special occasions. At the Oberoi Hotel in Mumbai, I asked for a memory foam pillow. Every time I stay there, they put a memory foam pillow on my bed. C – Customize the Experience: Personalize the interaction or gesture. Even the smallest customization can create a huge emotional impact. At Chewy, when a customer returned dog food after their pet passed away, they received a condolence card and flowers. It wasn’t about making a sale; it was about showing empathy. H – Humanize the Interaction: Move beyond scripted conversations. Authenticity and empathy resonate more than robotic efficiency. At Café Lucci, our favorite Italian restaurant in Chicago, the valet, the server, and the owner Bobby - all know us, know our kids, and always ask about the family. We are customers for life! In the race to “go the extra mile,” it’s easy to overlook the power of the extra inch. The secret to exceptional customer service isn’t grand gestures or expensive perks—it’s the tiny, thoughtful actions that leave a lasting impression. Going the extra inch is about mastering the art of the unexpected. It’s about creating emotional connections through small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness. So, the next time you think about how to delight a customer, remember: You don’t have to go the extra mile. Just go the extra inch. You will get miles of loyalty. #Marketing #CustomerExperience #Loyalty #Advocacy

Is it ever 'just hair' for Black Women and Men in the workplace? Recently, I had the privilege of speaking at Tapestry, home to Coach, Stuart Weitzman , and kate spade new york, about a topic deeply intertwined with identity, resilience, and history: Black hair. For many Black professionals, hair is more than just a style choice; it’s a mirror of identity, pride, and a connection to culture—but also, sometimes, a barrier to acceptance. Historically "Black hair" has stood as a symbol of both oppression and liberation—a form of self-expression and a survival strategy. Not a summary, but some thoughts on what organizations can learn to foster an inclusive, supportive culture around this critical subject, which should be spoken about more 👇🏾: 👀 Acknowledge Cultural Significance For many Black professionals, hair is more than a style choice—it’s an expression of identity, pride, and connection to cultural heritage. Recognizing this shows sensitivity and helps build trust within diverse teams. 👀 Update Grooming Policies Many grooming standards unintentionally exclude or stigmatize Black hairstyles. (I’m still confused as to why coloured braids are banned in secondary schools—but that’s a conversation for another day!) Reviewing these policies to ensure they accommodate all hair textures and styles not only supports DEI goals but also communicates respect for individual authenticity. 👀 Consider the Impact on Employee Experience For Black women and men, hair is rarely just a neutral choice; it can bring up questions of authenticity, professionalism, and acceptance. These unspoken questions impact how safe, supported, and welcomed Black professionals feel in professional spaces. When organizations create a safe, supportive environment for Black employees to be themselves, it boosts engagement, retention, and job satisfaction. 👀 Invest in DEI-Focused Conversations Host more of these conversations! Addressing hair and cultural identity in the workplace can be transformative. Open discussions and cultural sensitivity training help everyone understand the unique experiences Black employees face, making for a more inclusive workplace. It was refreshing to engage with the team at Tapestry’s Paddington office, hearing the powerful insights from Dr. Joan Langley, Selma Nicholls, and Bianca Saunders, who shared their own journeys and experiences navigating their respective industries. It was incredible to be welcomed into such a thoughtful and open-minded space to shed light on these often-overlooked conversations. Special thanks to Rondette Amoy Smith, PHR and Trinicia Perch for gathering a dynamic group of Black women to elevate this discussion, and for reminding us all of the power of representation and community. #TreasureTress #DiversityAndInclusion #BlackHairMatters #WorkplaceCulture #CulturalIdentity #AuthenticLeadership #DEI

Ever heard of future faking? In relationships, it sounds like: “I can already picture our children.” “They’ll go to that school.” “We’ll buy a house right there.” Very specific future. Very vague present. I started noticing the same pattern in careers when a client sat across from me and said, “I don’t know why I feel so unsettled. On paper, everything sounds promising.” Their manager constantly spoke in futures: “I see you in leadership.” “You’re next in line.” “We’re grooming you for something big.” “Just hold on.” And for a while, it worked. They stayed. They over-delivered. They waited. Years passed. The language didn’t change — only the timeline did. No role ever appeared. No plan was written down. No expectations were clarified. What changed was them. They stopped trusting their intuition. They felt guilty for wanting more. They kept telling themselves, “Maybe I’m being impatient.” That’s the quiet cruelty of future faking at work. It doesn’t break you loudly — it keeps you hopeful just enough to stay stuck. Psychologist Ramani Durvasula describes future faking as making promises about a future to avoid accountability in the present. In careers, it shows up when hope replaces action. Here’s what I tell clients now: Growth has a shape. Development has timelines. Opportunity has structure. If the future keeps being described but never defined, pay attention. If “soon” keeps replacing clarity, listen to the discomfort. Be smart enough to recognise when future faking is happening. And brave enough to act when it is. Because in both work and relationships, a future that never arrives is still an answer.

If I could go back and change one thing from my early days in business, it would be this: I would stop over-promising📍 Over-promising, on the surface, feels like you’re being proactive, helpful, committed, ‘client-first’ Until you realise what’s happening BTS: ☇You start stretching timelines ☇You dilute the quality of your work ☇You overwork to compensate for what you promised And worst of all, ⇢You slowly lose control of expectations. And once expectations go off track, no amount of effort feels enough. I’ve been there (and it sucks) Saying yes to extra deliverables just to ‘keep the client happy’ Adding more than what was agreed because it felt like the right thing to do. Thinking it would build trust. It doesn’t. Instead, it builds dependency and quiet resentment. Because now: ☇You’re exhausted ☇They expect more And the original scope doesn’t even matter anymore. What I’ve learned since then is simple But not easy: ☇Under-promise ☇Over-deliver ⇢But do it strategically ☇Set clear boundaries ☇Define deliverables properly ⇢And leave room to surprise, not to survive Clients don’t stay because you gave them more. They stay because you gave them what you promised consistently, reliably, and well📍