Workplace Gender Differences

🥊 “Jingjin, have you ever considered that women are just inferior to men?” That was her opening line. The lady who challenged me was not a traditionalist in pearls. She was one of the top investment bankers of her time, closed billion-dollar deals, led global teams, the kind of woman whose voice dropped ten degrees when money was on the line. And she meant it. “Back in my day, if I had to hire, I’d always go for the man. No pregnancy leave. No PMS. No emotional volatility. Just less… liability.” And she doesn’t believe in what I do. Helping women lead from a place of wholeness. Because to her, wholeness is a luxury. Winning requires neutrality. And neutrality means: be less female and suck it up! I’ve heard versions of this many times, and too often, from high-performing women who "made it" by suppressing. But facts are: 🧠 There are no consistent brain differences between men and women that explain men’s “logic” or women’s “emotions.” 💥 Hormones impact everyone. Men’s testosterone drops when they nurture. Women’s cortisol rises in toxic workplaces, not because they’re weak, but because they’re sane. 📉 What we call “meritocracy” is often a reward system for those who can perform like they have no body, no children, no cycles. None of those are biologically male traits. They’re artifacts of a system built around male lives. So, if you're a woman who's bought into this logic, here are some counter-strategies: 🛠 1. Study Systems Like You Studied Deals Dissect the incentives, norms, and bias loops of your workplace the same way you’d break down a P&L. Don’t internalize what’s structural. 🧭 2. Redefine Strategic Strengths Stop mirroring alpha aggression to prove you belong. Deep listening, self-regulation, and nuance reading, these are leadership assets, not soft skills. Use them ruthlessly. 💬 3. Name It, Don’t Numb It If your hormones impact you one day a month, say so, but also say what it doesn’t mean: It doesn’t cancel out 29 days of clarity, strategy, and execution. 🪩 4. Build Your Own Meritocracy Start investing in spaces, networks, and cultures where your wholeness isn’t penalized. If none exist, build them. 🧱 5. Deconstruct Before You Self-Doubt When you catch yourself thinking “maybe I’m not built for this,” pause. Ask: Whose rules am I trying to win by? Who benefits when I question myself? This post isn’t about defending women. We don’t need defending. It’s about calling out the internalised metrics we still use to measure ourselves. 👊 And choosing to rewrite them. What’s the most 'rational' reason you’ve heard for why women are a liability?

Intimidating is not another word for assertive. Difficult is not another way to say problem solver. Outspoken is not a substitute for courage to speak up. Direct is not how to describe being able to tackle conflict head on. Cold doesn’t equate to confident. Early in my career, I was accused of being too soft, not confident enough, and too feminine (whatever that means). So, I had to practice being a clear and real-time problem solver. I had to become more assertive to be seen and heard. I had to find the courage to speak up in a sea of faces and genders that looked nothing like mine. I had to be direct to deal with conflict situations. And I’ve had to calm my nerves to have the outward appearance of confidence. I have seen too often that women in leadership roles, who display the same characteristics as a strong male counterpart, are viewed differently. But, I just don’t understand why. All the women I know in senior positions have at some point been accused of being intimidating, difficult, too direct, cold and too outspoken. And it baffles us all because we aren’t trying to be those things. We are simply trying to effectively lead (with the same leadership traits every mba or exec. course teaches). It’s time to lose these labels; they are unfair, unattractive, demoralizing and sexist. That woman you might call “difficult” has likely had to work twice as hard over her career just to be seen, heard and, if she’s lucky, respected.

I once got feedback that I was “intimidating.” I took it to heart. I spent the next few years trying to be as approachable, warm, and agreeable as I could be. I assumed this was a character flaw that I needed to fix. But years later, I realized something: this feedback wasn’t about me. It was about the system - one that judges women more harshly and polices their personalities more than their performance. And the numbers back this up. 👇🏽 🎯 Women are 7x more likely to receive negative personality-based feedback than men. 🎯 56% of women have been called "unlikeable" in reviews (vs. 16% of men). 🎯 Harvard Business Review found that 76% of “aggressive” labels in one company’s reviews were given to women (vs. 24% to men). This Is the Leadership Double Bind: Speak up? You’re “too aggressive.” Stay quiet? You “lack confidence.” Show ambition? You’re “unlikeable.” Ask for a promotion? You’re “too pushy.” And here’s the kicker - it’s worst for high-performing women. This is why women... ↳  Hesitate to showcase ambition. ↳  Are reluctant to ask for opportunities. ↳  Are leaving workplaces faster than others. So, what can we do? Here are 3 ways we can start changing this narrative today: ✅ Check your language. Is the feedback about personality or performance? If you wouldn’t give the same critique to a man, please reconsider. ✅ Challenge vague feedback. “You need to be more confident” isn’t actionable. Women deserve the same clear, growth-oriented feedback as men. ✅ Support women’s ambition. If certain leadership traits (ex. being assertive) are seen as strengths in men, they should be seen as strengths in women too. Have you ever received unfair feedback? What’s one piece of feedback you’ve had to unlearn? 👇🏽 ♻️ Please share to help end unfair feedback. 🔔 Follow Bhavna Toor (She/Her) for more insights on conscious leadership. Source: Textio 'Language Bias in Feedback' Study, 2023 & 2024 #EndUnFairFeedback #IWD2025

“I don’t fear my feelings anymore.” When she said that in our last session, I felt the weight of how far she had come. Because this was the same high-performing woman who once told me: “I can handle board meetings… but I can’t handle feeling not enough.” On paper, she was exceptional. Strong career trajectory. Many high achiever awards Respected in her field. Consistently delivering results. But internally? Rejection from friends would stay with her for days. A delayed reply felt like exclusion. Someone else being appreciated triggered quiet comparison. Her own achievements went unnoticed — and she shrank. The voice in her head was relentless: “You should be better.” “You should be stronger.” “Why does this still affect you?” Add to that the weight of expectations. From parents. From culture. From herself. She wasn’t just chasing goals. She was chasing approval. And when approval didn’t come — it felt like failure. So she coped the only way she knew how: Overworking. Overgiving. Overachieving. Pretending she wasn’t hurt. High performer outside. Emotionally exhausted inside. No one had ever taught her what to do with feelings like rejection, comparison, invisibility. So she either drowned in them… or pushed them down. In our recent session she said: “Now when I feel rejected or small, I don’t spiral. I pause. I name it. I park it. I choose how to respond.” That is emotional fitness. Not becoming emotionless. Not pretending rejection doesn’t hurt. Not eliminating ambition. But learning to: • Separate feeling from identity • Regulate before reacting • Stop outsourcing self-worth • Celebrate your own wins • Allow someone else’s success without shrinking yourself Her achievements didn’t suddenly get louder. Her inner critic got quieter. She stopped losing days to “I’m not enough.” She stopped turning someone else’s spotlight into her shadow. And that shift changes everything. Because here’s the truth: Many high performers aren’t struggling with competence. They’re struggling with unprocessed emotion. Rejection hurts. Comparison triggers. Unmet expectations sting. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. But if you don’t train your response, those emotions start running your leadership, your relationships, your confidence. So let me ask you: Where are you still seeking approval instead of building self-trust? If you’re ready to stop feeling small in moments that don’t define you — and start leading from emotional strength — let’s connect. Because success feels very different when you no longer measure your worth through someone else’s validation. #EmotionalFitness #HighPerformance #EmotionalIntelligence #LeadershipDevelopment #WomenInLeadership #SelfWorth #ResilientLeadership #NervousSystemRegulation #ExecutivePresence #PersonalGrowth #ConfidenceBuilding #SelfLeadership

After 12 years in recruitment, I’ve noticed something uncomfortable. Some of the most capable women in the room quietly hold themselves back. Not because they lack talent or ambition. But because they follow habits that feel responsible yet slowly limit their influence, income and opportunities. Over time, those habits create gaps in seniority, pay and visibility. The women who thrive in the next era of work won’t be the hardest working. They’ll be the most strategic about how they show up. In today's video, I share 4 of the most expensive career mistakes I see senior career women make and how to shift them. 1. Waiting until you’re 100% ready Women tend to apply when they meet almost every requirement, whereas Men tend to apply when they meet around 60%. That gap alone changes career trajectories. The shift: Stop asking “Am I fully ready?” Start asking, “Am I capable of learning the rest?” If you’re 60% aligned, it may already be a stretch opportunity worth stepping into. 2. Shrinking impact with language This shows up as humility, but at senior levels it reads as uncertainty. “I helped with…” “I supported…” “I was involved in…” The shift: Be precise about your contribution. “I led.” “I delivered.” “I drove.” Clarity builds credibility. 3. Assuming your work will speak for itself Many high-performing women believe that if they deliver great work, recognition will follow. But at senior levels, visibility and positioning matter just as much as output. The person holding everything together often gets labelled reliable rather than strategic. The shift: Don’t assume people understand the complexity of what you’ve done. Make the invisible visible. 4. Letting your network go cold Networking often feels optional when you're busy delivering. But the women who move fastest during restructures, AI shifts, or new opportunities all have one thing in common: Warm networks. The shift: Build relationships in seasons of stability, so you have options in seasons of change. None of these patterns means you’re doing something wrong. They simply mean you’ve been playing the game the way many women were taught to. But the rules of careers are changing. The women who understand the strategy behind visibility, positioning and opportunity will create far more leverage over the next decade. I hope you enjoy the video. Save this for later and reshare ♻️ so more women can get ahead in the age of AI.

I recently coached an executive who was thinking hard about whether to ask for a promotion. She hesitated, caught between ambition and doubt. “I don’t want to seem pushy,” she admitted. “But if I don’t ask, I might be waiting forever.” I shared insights from a Harvard Business Review article that talks about the myths that often hold women back in negotiations. Many of us have been taught to believe that men negotiate more than women, that women must always negotiate pay, or that backlash is inevitable when they do. These myths are misleading and, worse, they reinforce outdated gender norms that limit opportunities. (1) Myth #1: Men Negotiate, Women Don’t Both men and women negotiate—but for different things. Research shows that women negotiate roles, flexibility, and workload as often as men negotiate pay and job offers. The real issue isn’t whether women negotiate, but whether they are met with more resistance when they do. (2) Myth #2: Women Should Always Negotiate Pay The gender wage gap is not just about pay differences—it’s about the types of jobs men and women hold. While women should absolutely advocate for fair pay, supporting their advancement into leadership roles has an even greater impact on closing the wage gap. (3) Myth #3: Backlash Is Inevitable Many women worry that advocating for themselves will make them seem aggressive or unlikeable. While bias exists, leaders can shift the narrative by educating managers and themselves, encouraging broader career negotiations (beyond pay), and normalizing women’s ambition. After talking through these myths and ideas, the executive decided to go ahead and ask for that promotion. But she didn’t just walk in and demand it. Instead, she framed her request strategically: She led with facts – She highlighted her results: “I’ve exceeded my targets for the past two years and led initiatives that were really beneficial to the firm.” (She backed this up with data and quantified the benefits.) She made it a win-win – “With a VP title, I can expand our client base and strengthen key partnerships.” She asked with confidence – Not “Would you consider it?” but “What would it take to make this happen?” She got the promotion. More importantly, she walked away feeling empowered, knowing she had advocated for herself effectively. We are in a unique moment where work is being redefined. If we want to create a more equitable future, we must challenge these outdated myths and reshape how we think about negotiation. #Leadership #Negotiation #CareerGrowth #WomenAtWork #Learning #Confidence https://lnkd.in/eZchz7jN

Question for Black women in the workplace, do you ever experience the weight of unrealistic expectations, often at the expense of your mental health? This phenomenon is known as the Black Superwoman Schema, a term coined by Dr. Cheryl L. Woods-Giscombe. It includes five key behaviors commonly exhibited by Black women leaders: 1. Obligation to manifest strength 2. Obligation to suppress emotions 3. Resistance to being vulnerable or dependent 4. Determination to succeed despite significantly limited resources 5. An obligation to help others Time and time again, I’ve seen this play out in our emotional wellbeing being dismissed and our value being overlooked, no matter how hard we work or support our colleagues. Let’s talk about how we can dismantle this harmful notion in professional settings: 1. Adjust your own expectations. I encourage the high-achieving women I coach to ask themselves, is this serving others at the expense of my own benefit? Is this weight mine to carry alone? When we set goals or standards that are too high, we may constantly feel pressure to meet them, leading to burnout. (And listen, we’re saying no to burnout all 2024!) 2. Ask for help. It’s easy for us to say “I got this”, or “I can handle it on my own”. This is your reminder that it’s okay to ask for support and be clear on what that can look like. It’s not a weakness to ask for support. 3. Know when to say "no." The ability to say “no” is your sacred right. 4. Create a self-care plan. What are your non-negotiable rules around caring for your health no matter what remains undone? Because we can’t take care of others if we’re not doing it for ourselves. 5. Prioritize, deprioritize, and reprioritize your workload as often as you need to. Prioritize your obligations based on significance or impact for you rather than external factors. What else would you add to this list? How do you manage unrealistic expectations in the workplace? #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealth #Mindfulness #Selfcare

During my time in the corporate world, there was one thing I learned early: Being strong, decisive, and ambitious as a woman made people uncomfortable. I was praised for performance and questioned for assertiveness which was necessary for leadership. I delivered results, but the feedback was always, “Let’s tweak your messaging” or “Let's fix X”, whatever “X” was, meanwhile, my male counterparts saying the same things, in the same rooms were called visionary. So when I came across the Heidi vs. Howard case study from Columbia, I didn’t need a research paper to tell me what I already knew in my bones: Most people still don’t like strong women. In 2003, Professor Frank Flynn ran a case study at Columbia. Same story, same resume, same success one name: Heidi Roizen. The other: Howard Roizen. Both were rated as competent. But only Howard was likable. Heidi was considered too aggressive and not someone you’d want to work with by some students (both males and females). Lead, and be labeled. Play small, and be passed over. We need to fix the system because it was never designed to support women in the workplace.

High-performing women don’t struggle with capability. They struggle with recognition. Especially at work. Today is international women's day. But many brilliant women are still navigating the same invisible barriers every week. 📌 Your idea gets ignored in a meeting… then praised when someone else repeats it. 📌 You deliver consistent results… but get labelled “reliable” instead of “leadership material.” 📌 You carry the team quietly… while someone else presents the results. This is the hidden reality for many high-performing women. Not a lack of skill. But a lack of recognition, positioning, and influence. So today, instead of just celebrating, here’s a small Women’s Day gift 🎁 for every woman navigating rooms like these. A few power sentences you can use when your voice needs to land. 📌 When your idea gets repeated by someone else “Thanks for building on the point I mentioned earlier. The key piece I want to emphasize is…” 📌 When your contribution is overlooked “I’d like to add one piece to that. The approach I suggested earlier could help us solve this.” 📌 When you want to reinforce your ownership “Based on the work I’ve been leading on this project, here’s what I’m seeing…” 📌 When you want to position your thinking as leadership “One strategic risk we should consider here is…” Small shifts in language. But they quietly reclaim space, visibility, and authority in the room. And these are only a few from a much bigger “Voice & influence playbook” I’ve been building for high-performing women at work. Comment “PLAYBOOK” if you want me to post the entire playbook here on LinkedIn. Because the goal isn’t just to work hard. It’s to make sure your voice shapes the conversation. Happy international women’s day to the women leading, building, and quietly changing the way work works.